Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
