Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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