gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
