just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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