it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
