Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
be right there i have to get my cape
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
