I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
