i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
