i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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