I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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