a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
