In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
