Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
