im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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