apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
