We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
