i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
