There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
