i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
