apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
