i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
