I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I love you. Go after that dick
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
