i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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