I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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