I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Floor bacon is actually really good
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
