I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
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Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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