the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
