so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
