I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
