I love black thongs
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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