this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Someone shattered a urinal.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
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