i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
