You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
