I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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