the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
