Yo dont text me then not text me
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am available for nakedness
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
