Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
