you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
