end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
