I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
