I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
