omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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