can we get nightvision for the apartment?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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