Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
