The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
