Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
