i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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