If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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