So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Randomize
