So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
