I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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