that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
