i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Randomize
