We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
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She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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