Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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