just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
