Jerry, you need to find god
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
