where am i from again
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
