cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
