quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
