I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
