Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
