I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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