i wish there were pregnant emoticons
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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