Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
