Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
