I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
