First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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