erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It was confusing and full of hummus
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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