the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize