I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
