You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Two words: blizzard sex
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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