You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
