If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
