I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
