dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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